I thought twice about writing this post, it seemed a bit 'emo' for me but then I got a message from a fan of our work the other day who said lovely amazing kind things and added "it all seems so perfect."
And I knew I had to write about this.
My life. This brand. Movement. Whatever it is- is so far from perfect. SOOOOO far. Like really far. And I am not perfect. And I never want to be. Social media is a curated highlight reel from the daily grind of making a living at what you love which doesn't feel like a grind that often but still is a lot of hard ass work.
I have this thing called, 'the little black cloud.' Matt and I both refer to it as that. Its basically when I am in a funk. And it happens like 3 times a year. It usually lasts 2-3 days and its pretty ugly. I mean like, crying, unable to express why I'm crying, stress eating, canceling plans, calling off meetings kind of funk.
Before we go any further with this post, I'm here to give a quick note on this stuff. I am not a doctor. And I am not trying to make light of serious mental health stuff. Someone I really look up to once said it this way, "depression is a real bitch and you never know how many people are suffering." So before I get into my little list, I'm not writing about depression, I'm writing about when I am in a funk. If you think you might be suffering from depression talk to your doctor and find a therapist you love. Thanks.
So my little black cloud appeared Friday morning. It's almost like someone flips a switch. And this time, that switch was Mother Nature. I had finished working out when the snow started and for some reason something in me sort of snapped.
I spent all of Friday and all of Saturday just wallowing in self pity. I crawled back in bed every day this weekend. Cried for like an hour. Had a little anxiety moment where I was convinced Matt was going to be in a car accident. Willed myself to fall asleep to alleviate the little black cloud. Tried to facetime my college roommates so they would make me laugh. Facetimed my sister and my mom. Tried to write. Took another nap. That stupid little freaking black cloud.
And then! I realized I am in total and complete control over how I react to things. And I decided to give the little black cloud its eviction notice. I wasn't going to throw away an entire weekend being emo. It's really not my style. And so my friends, here is what I do to get rid of my 'little black cloud' and I hope it helps you the next time your funk-cloud shows up.
Move. Exercise, as much as I freaking hate it some days, really is the cure all. So I knew I had to go to yoga this weekend. I hauled my butt out of bed on my sleep in day to get on the mat and I instantly felt better when class started.
Eat what the hell you want to eat. I typically work really hard to try and eat healthy all the time because A- if I let myself go I would survive off of cheese and popcorn and B- I just feel better when I do. But a FUNK calls for spaghetti. I made a giant thing of it and it tasted soooo good.
Cuddle your animal. When I was hysterically sobbing on the couch Maple was REALLY concerned. I got on the floor and laid with her for a while to just sort of mellow it all out. Animals are truly therapy. No joke.
DO SOMETHING FUN. Saturday night I had two options- I could sit with my little black cloud all night and be a brat to Matt and go to bed at 9pm all mad for no reason, OR I could have a couple glasses of wine with friends and host them for a board game and laugh really hard and listen to The Eagles for an hour while I did dishes.
Easy on the caffeine. for some reason when I've had way too much coffee lately it really can mess up my mood. Don't know if I'm alone on this one or not? Give me a shout if its you too. But when I'm in a funk I try and just have 2 cups a day.
Find your ladies. The final step in removing the little black cloud was brunch with my best girls Sunday morning. The time spent with my girls is just damn good for the soul.
Chat with your person. One thing that helps my little black cloud break up pretty quickly is reminding Matt that this has nothing to do with him. He's really really good about giving me my space when I need it, and being my shoulder to cry on when LBC is being a real bitch. But I always make a point to remind him during my funk that its not him, I'm just 'riding it out' and he'll be like 'okay cool- I'm gonna watch March Madness" and all is well.
If I really went into it here I'm sure this LBC has something to do with a combination of--- seasonal emo-ness, lack of humidity touching my skin, feeling like I'm waiting on the earth to thaw so I can actually get shit done, missing my mom & dad and my hormones.
Small problems on the grand scale of life. Reminding me how ridiculously good it all really is. Little Black Cloud you're outta here--- see ya next time around.