on creativity.

I seriously feel like some days I am actually losing my mind. Some youth therapist told my Mom I had ADD when I was roughly 8 years old. I never really thought much about it. I had LOTS of help through school, and my mom was an actually saint who would sit with me (read: stand with me) while we did homework. I couldn't sit down. I would look at the paper one minute and then run off to go play piano the next. Come back to look at the assignment, forget where I was, run to stir the spaghetti sauce on the stove, let the dog out, go put on a hat, grab a piece of cheese, sing a song, play with my siblings, then make my way back to my homework. The cycle was vicious, I only now can really imagine what it was like to parent me. Woof. 

I've never used it as a crutch, or taken medicine, I really just forget about it until days like today. I currently have 11 tabs open on my internet explorer, 4 work emails I've been typing for AN HOUR, 20-something pieces of scrap paper scattered around the desk and approximately 23982309 ideas I'm working on. 

Perfect example of how my brain operates:  I was writing an important e-mail to a work contact, in its entirety it ended up being 7 sentences long, but in the process of writing it, I actually stood up- and went and made dinner. Beef paprikash in the slow cooker, I swear to you. I diced, sliced, chopped, whisked, measured, turned on the crock pot and came back to the email. With no explanation as to why. 

Even my writing cannot find a stillness, run on sentences and an addiction to commas, it seems I'd rather just throw a comma there then actually try and wrap up a thought. But it's comfortable to me. It may seem like insanity to some but it's how I function. 

This madness is what is propelling me towards Valentine's Day. This year I'm hosting a pop-up-shop for florals at a friend's boutique in town. Why? Because I love flowers, I need flowers & I am craving something new to try. I am ALWAYS up for a challenge. Having never done anything like this in my life it seems the perfect fit for me to try and build something from the ground up. 

And so I research flowers, read everything I can, enroll in flower school & hope for the best. Having a creative project is what keeps me sane. I constantly need to be reinventing some area of my life or everything just seems boring. 

We are all constantly evolving, change is necessary. Anyone who tells me they want everything exactly the same for the rest of their days is lying. Change is also very scary, but if we live in fear we are paralyzed. Am I scared to open a one-day flower shop? Heck yeah. But you can't let fear win. Ever. 

"Decide what to be and go be it."--- this line has been playing over and over in my head these past few months. Come up with an idea, and go do it. Who cares what everybody says, who cares who you disappoint or who thinks you're 'crazy.' 

Think of one thing you're scared to do, and put it on your to-do list this year. You won't regret it. 

xo